I can handle chaos. I can handle deadlines and stress. It calms my head to be able to put the chaos to order, piece by piece. Sometimes it’s too much insanity for me to enjoy, but at least when it is over I can feel good and relax.
No, it is boredom that I hate. I cannot deal with having nothing to do. It drives me downwards until I believe the world has no point, and what am I doing with my life anyways? Suddenly I’m awash in thoughts that I’m just a lonely hermit living in the woods with no purpose.
I need adventure. Relaxing is still great – I’m good at relaxing. But relaxing is asleep and chaos is awake, and how can I sleep if I never get to be tired? To be bored is to be restless, until my mind shuts off and I start to wonder whether or not I’m actually alive. Am I really here or is this all just the figment of someone else’s bizarre imagination?
I want to shun sanity, push away normality and evict boredom. I want to carve my path through the jungles of the universe. I want my life to mean something. I want to be more than empty space.
Think about the miracle of my life. I am system more complex than we know. I am a beating heart, nerves, veins and cells, all working together to somehow be alive. I don’t want to waste this precious miracle by spending my time staring into space wondering when something interesting will happen. I want to be the one making interesting things happen. I do not want to be bored.
As I often say: “Chaos and madness…”. Choas and madness, people. Chaos and madness.